


I'd Like It (If You Stayed)

by charlottebecky



Series: The Attachment [2]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, It's been two years since the last fic took place, Post-Break Up, they're gay and sad in the first chapter but so cute and gay in the rest i pwomise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-01 17:15:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16769449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlottebecky/pseuds/charlottebecky
Summary: Charlotte realizes she forgot to tell her family about her unexpected messy break-up, and Alexa is expected at the family Christmas weekend. An AU complete with pining exes, fake dating, and holiday Charlexa. [Sequel to I Live In A Hologram With You.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [werewolfbecky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/werewolfbecky/gifts).



> Hi there! Thank you so much for reading this. This fic is set in the same universe/timeline as my last Charlexa fic I Live In A Hologram With You, but with a two year time jump. It’s not ABSOULTELY necessary to have read that fic to read this, but I highly recommend it, especially if you want to understand how these two got together the first time.
> 
> Title is from Lorde’s “400 Lux,” because Pure Heroine is just That album.

**Chapter One**

_Just tell me what I have to do, to keep myself apart from you, all your colors start to burn –_ Years & Years, _Take Shelter_

She felt the dampness of the sweat trickling down her forehead, her pulse quickening against her chest as she tried to stop counting minutes and hours and days in her mind and try focusing on the beat and lyrics of the loud pop song that was blaring on her headphones instead. The impending countdowns continued though. Four hours till she had class, three days till she had finals, two weeks till everyone went home for Christmas and she was stuck on the couch in the living room of the apartment she had been sharing with Becky Lynch for the past two years, trying not to cry into the microwave popcorn she had resorted to turn to watching those horrible Netflix original Christmas movies.

Ugh. Just the thought of grease and butter was making her feel icky. Her relationship with food continued to be complicated. She loved making it, she didn’t always love eating it, and now that she was running and working out regularly (the inspiration behind which she did _not_ want to think about right now, and maybe ever), did she _really_ have to resort to microwave popcorn? Why couldn’t anyone invent movie snacks that suited her particular road to recovery from past trauma? Just went to show that the world was unfair, in what had already been a particularly unfair and harsh year in the life of Alexa Bliss.

It was uncharacteristically warm for a day in New York City December. The last time it had snowed was over a week earlier. The remnants that stayed in the form of melted and frankly ugly piles of snow did not bother her. Alexa loved it when the sun came up. In the particular rough patch that had clouded the latter part of the year for her, the darkness of daylight savings time and early sunsets only added to the feeling of hollowness that had been left within her by heartbreak and pain.

But her focus was on doing well, she wasn’t going to mess up her second year of nursing school. Not after she had done so well her first year. She was never one to let setbacks get the best of her. For the most part. She _did_ like to wallow in her bad weeks. But she also wanted to prove to everyone that she was deserving of her dreams. 

Running helped though. Running helped her reprioritize all the mess that kept clouding her mind. She had stopped running briefly after everything had been messed up. But she had gotten back to it in the past couple of months, and it was an excellent way to compartmentalize all that she was feeling and all that was overwhelming her.

It was a good distraction from life, and a safe haven from people. She usually took the same route around her block and down to the park across from the nearest bridge. But this particular December day she decided to run in Central Park because she decided maybe she didn’t mind the holiday decoration.

Except, that everyone and their dog seemed to be at Central Park that morning. Come on people should you be in bed, she thought. It was 6.30 am on a weekday. Did they really need to gentrify her alone time like this?

It turned out that “everyone and their dog” wasn’t just an exaggeration of the thought that was encompassing her as she passed a billion dog walkers. Because as she turned to run and hide from the crowds in one of Central Park’s lesser packed corners, she heard loud barking. And suddenly a dog had leapt onto her and had started licking her face as she screamed – first in shock, then in a weird sense of joy.

Alexa didn’t have to open her eyes to know that it was a Charles King Cavalier she loved.

Apparently, nobody had told Louis that his moms were no longer together. Alexa smiled as she sat up and cuddled the dog that she had learned to admire and love over the last couple of years. Oh shit – Alexa realized that if Louis was here, then his owner must be here too. Right on cue, Alexa heard the ever familiar voice, one that would normally have set her heart beating faster for hours – and which still was – but for all the wrong reasons.

“Louis!” rang the familiar voice of Charlotte Flair, the bane of Alexa’s existence. “What did I tell you about running up to strangers - “ 

Too late. Well fuck. It had been a while, hadn’t it? Five months and three days to be exact. Alexa kept one hand on Louis’ soft fur as she stood up and looked up to take in all five feet and ten inches of her ex-girlfriend. Alexa tried to remember the last time they had seen each other. It was at Charlotte’s house.

The sequence of events could pretty much be summed up in a few lines. Charlotte had said that she no longer felt comfortable about their relationship for the most irrational and ridiculous of reasons. Alexa had told her she never wanted to talk to her ever again. Louis had loudly barked the whole time. Alexa had made a big showcase of deleting all of their pictures from her phone. Charlotte had sat in a corner and cried. Alexa had gone home and stayed in bed for two weeks straight.

Okay, so maybe Alexa may have also added to the break up. But that didn’t mean that Charlotte didn’t start the fire. She still hurt Alexa. She still chose her weird moral cause over Alexa.

Yup. Charlotte was here in Central Park. In the flesh, in a Nike tank top, a maroon jacket around her legs and tight Lululemon leggings. And that’s when Alexa remembered she was wearing -

“My sweatshirt,” Charlotte said, nodding toward the soft garment on Alexa’s torso, as Alexa felt her face flush the brightest shade of red. “I was wondering what had happened to this one. I thought I had accidentally misplaced it or something. I’m glad it’s safe. Also, hi Alexa. It’s been a minute.” 

“H-hey,” Alexa said softly, hesitant to look the taller woman in the eyes. She felt like shit. Boom! Five months of progress into trying and remotely moving on were gone. She wasn’t ready for this, no one had warned her. They weren’t supposed to run into each other, they lived in a _big_ city. She wasn’t ready to talk, she wasn’t ready to be friends, no nothing. Charlotte had broken her heart, she shouldn’t have to stick around, let alone explain why she still had Charlotte’s sweatshirt (because it was soft, obviously.)

“It’s been so long!” Charlotte said, as if they were old friends who had run into each other. “How have you been, Lex?”

 _Lex._ The nickname whispered in Charlotte’s soft voice still sent shivers down Alexa’s spine and she hated it.

She was okay, it was just Charlotte. She had no reason to feel like someone had just shoved a brick down her throat and her lungs were just about ready to collapse. Charlotte’s reasons may have been a tad irrational, but she had always had Alexa’s best interests at heart throughout their relationship. Charlotte had been Alexa’s best friend for a long time, and the first person Alexa had trusted in years. She didn’t have to be this afraid to talk to Charlotte. It was fine. They had broken up. It had been five months, it was okay.

“I’m good,” Alexa said, swallowing as if somehow that would make the brick disappear and her confidence crystal clear.

“That’s good,” Charlotte said, now also petting Louis, their hands inches now away from each other. Alexa felt a wave of nostalgia and tried her best not to remember how warm and comforting it had always felt to hold Charlotte’s hand.

Alexa finally got the strength to look up and look at Charlotte. Their eyes met and Charlotte smiled. Whatever coldness had struck over Alexa’s heart immediately attempted to soften. Hair slightly wet, jawline sharper than steel, and a sunshine smile that could melt East Coast snow forever – Charlotte Flair was even more beautiful than Alexa remembered. It was brutally unfair that Charlotte had broken her heart and still smiled like that. It was even worse that Alexa _missed_ that smile every day. She didn’t want to stand around and admire Charlotte though. She had to go home and shower, and go to class. Her world wasn’t gonna stop because of Charlotte anymore. She had been there and done that and was still running through recovery period. Literally.

“I would love to stay and chat,” Alexa said, almost scoffing. “But I have class, I should run.”

“Of course,” Charlotte said. “Hope the fall semester’s been good?”

“Eh, you know,” Alexa shrugged. _Why do you care?_ Alexa wanted to ask, while simultaneously remembering the times that she had to stay up all night cramming for tests while Charlotte sat with her and made her cup after cup of coffee, and stayed up even though the taller woman’s eyes were going to combust from sleepiness. (“I’d never sleep alone while you are out here trying to learn how to save lives babe,” Charlotte used to tell her all the time.) Since their breakup, Alexa had barely studied. “It’s been okay. I need to get my shit together for finals next week.”

“Alright,” Charlotte said, flashing another smile.

Alexa realized she should be polite and ask Charlotte about her work.

“The gym doing okay?” Alexa asked. “That entrepreneurship life treating you well?”

“Yeah,” Charlotte said, and Alexa saw the gleam in her eyes that appeared every time Charlotte talked about her baby – the gym she had worked so hard to build that focused on women empowerment, especially toward those who had been victims of domestic abuse. “I’m friends with most of my clients. It’s been awesome actually.”

“I’m happy for you Charlotte,” Alexa said, stooping to give Louis one last cuddle before waving goodbye at Charlotte.  
She let out a big sigh as her lungs slowly felt like they had finally started to fall back into place and ran home as fast as she could.

Becky was up and munching on cereal while reading the morning paper when Alexa got back to the apartment, flushed for more reasons than one.

“Morning sunshine,” Becky said, looking up as her housemate entered, back from her morning run. “You look a little redder than usual, everything okay?”

“Uh,” Alexa said.

“Oooh is there gossip?” A voice rang from Becky’s room, as her girlfriend Sasha banks emerged in just a sports bra and hot pink shorts. Sasha walked over to the kitchen and kissed Becky’s head and opened the fridge to grab milk. Alexa smiled fondly. Although Sasha wasn’t officially her roommate, she enjoyed living with Becky, and having Sasha around. The two of them had become her closest friends, which was ideal because she really did need friends, especially after that tumultuous breakup. Becky and Sasha had really been there for her, they had taken time off their own work to take her to the movies, bake her cookies, and form the softest group cuddle on her bed when she couldn’t sleep at night. 

Alexa sighed. 

“I ran into Charlotte on my run,” she said, setting her keys down and grabbing a pan to make food. She needed food after the morning she’d had.

Becky dropped her spoon and stood up.

“What?” she asked, running over to where Alexa was frying her egg. “No fuckin’ way.”

“Yeah,” Alexa said softly. “I was a dumbass and decided to go running in Central Park today. I just love the Christmas decorations. I didn’t know Louis was gonna smell me across the whole damn arena and come jump on me.” 

“Aww,” Sasha said, smiling. “I remember him. He loved you.”

“Still does,” Alexa said, thinking about the dog. “Anyway, yeah, I was just not expecting to see Charlotte. I was zero per cent prepared.”

“You guys talk?” Becky asked.  
“A little bit,” Alexa said. “I was mostly freaking out because I was probably gonna start crying again. She was fine. Asked me how school was and stuff.”

“Okay,” Becky said, gently placing a hand on Alexa’s shoulder. “Let us know if you need anything okay.”

“I am also wearing her sweatshirt,” Alexa said, looking down at the hoodie. “This is hers. And she fucking saw me in it. Pathetic.”

“Oh babe,” Becky said, pulling her into a sidehug.

“I actually think,” Alexa said, laying her head on Becky’s shoulder. “I feel kinda better after seeing her. She seems to be doing great. Her gym’s going well, she probably didn’t cry at all-“

“Everyone’s affected by breakups, Alexa,” Becky said in a somber voice.

“But it was so stupid,” Alexa said. “We easily could have avoided that fight and moved on. I’m still _so_ mad she didn’t fight for us more.”

“It _was_ stupid,” Sasha agreed, now walking over to where Becky and Alexa were standing. “Becky and I got together through the same damn thing and we’re _fine._ ”

“She’s just so full of these morals,” Alexa said. “Not even really. She’s just so dependent on these… _signs._ ”

Alexa sighed. She remembered the day very clearly. In fact, she often played and replayed it in her head.

** Five Months Ago **

Alexa had just gotten done with classes for the week and stopped by a restaurant to grab wine and takeout before heading over to Charlotte’s place for their weekly Friday date night of staying in and watching TV or a movie. Alexa was very grateful that this night, it was her turn to pick what they were watching because when it was Charlotte’s turn, Charlotte always ended up going through a long list of what to watch only to circle back to either _Sex and the City_ , _Grey’s Anatomy,_ or god forbid, _Twilight._

Charlotte was late to open the door when Alexa rang the bell. Alexa didn’t read too much into it. Charlotte was probably just in the shower or something. Alexa knew her girlfriend liked to get a workout in herself before returning home from the gym. She stood there for a bit, and checked her texts. When it had been a while she rang the doorbell again. No response. She called Charlotte.

Charlotte picked up on the fifth ring.

“Hello?” Charlotte said. Her voice sounded muffled. Alexa couldn’t tell whether or not she had been crying.

“You okay, babe?” Alexa asked. “I’m outside. Are you home?”

“Y-yeah,” Charlotte said. “Sorry I didn’t hear the bell.” 

“Okay, can you come get me? I’m so worried about you,” Alexa said, a very bad feeling creeping up to her neck.

“Yeah,” Charlotte sniffled. “I’m coming.” 

Alexa entered to find Charlotte still in her work out clothes, her gym bag on the floor, a box of tissues by the couch, and the TV on.

  
“What’s going on love?” Alexa asked, worried something bad had happened to one of Charlotte’s friends or relatives. “Why are you crying? Is anyone hurt?”

Charlotte sat down on the couch and Alexa plopped down next to her and took her hand.

“Do you remember The Attachment?” Charlotte asked.

“Of course,” Alexa said, smiling softly. The Attachment was the month-long study to find out if two strangers living together could fall in love. Alexa had gone in for the money after being bankrupt by her ex-boyfriend, but she ended up finding love because that was where Charlotte and Alexa had met. They had initially had a rocky start because Alexa had been reserved, but slowly she had let her walls down for Charlotte. Charlotte was kind, and caring, and dorky, and very hot. She had warmed the coldness and reservations Alexa had, and still did toward almost everyone, but not Charlotte. With Charlotte, Alexa felt safe and protected and willingness to be the best version of herself. “What happened with The Attachment?”

“So it turns out they are evil,” Charlotte said. “And phonies.” 

“What do you mean baby?” Alexa asked, furrowing her brow. “The money we got was very real.”

Alexa had used the ten grand from The Attachment to rent the apartment she and Becky were living in. She had also used it to apply to grad schools for nursing. That money was very real.

“No I mean,” Charlotte said. “They’re actually funded by this big evil corporation that mistreats their workers, sells knockoff products, and has sketchy unsafe and unsanitary warehouses. They’re rumored to have funded weapons and wars. The owners just got arrested, Patrick and Molly probably will too.”

“Oh… kay,” Alexa said, confused. “So why are _you_ crying?”

“They’re not real, Alexa,” Charlotte said. “They never had our best interests at heart. They didn’t care if we fell in love or not. That study didn’t mean anything – at least I think it didn’t. It shouldn’t have happened, I shouldn’t have gone. I helped them with their evil schemes, I took their money.” 

“Charlotte what the fuck are you even going on about?” Alexa asked, confused why Charlotte was suddenly fussing so much over this weird news. “So what they’re evil? We found each other and we’re not evil? We’re so happy?”

“Are we Lex?” Charlotte asked.

“Um yes?” Alexa said. “I brought wine and your favorite noodles. I don’t even know why we’re having this discussion. Can we please watch a movie already? It’s my turn to pick, you’re not getting out of this Charlotte not after we watched Breaking Dawn Part One AND Two last wee-“

“Alexa,” Charlotte said. “How can you even think about movies at such a time?”

“What,” Alexa said, impatient. “Is bothering you about this? You don’t think we should be together just because the company that set us up is evil?”

“Yeah, I don’t even know, Alexa,” Charlotte said. “We took their money. Money that’s earned from helping _kill_ people. I don’t even know why they started The Attachment but they’re debating on the news that it’s related to studying humans for the creation of robots or something to replace their workers, oh I don’t even know.”

“So… we’re not watching the movie?” Alexa said.

“I’m not in the mood,” Charlotte said, lying face first on her couch.

“Do you… not want to date anymore?” Alexa asked, her voice cracking a little at the thought. Charlotte was so important to her. She knew Charlotte loved her, but apparently Charlotte loved these absurd morals more. 

“I don’t know,” Charlotte repeated. “It just feels so weird.”

“Charlotte we’ve been dating for over two years,” Alexa said. “We’ve moved on beyond The Attachment, our relationship is far from it. It’s not about our time there. It’s about us, and what we’ve built from it.

“I don’t know, Lex,” Charlotte said. “I think I just need some space.”

Alexa could not believe her ears. She felt her face burn at the fact that this was even a discussion that they were actually having right now. Even a couple of days ago they had talked about just how much they had grown. Both as a couple and as individuals. They were having the time of their lives. They were in love, they were so happy. And now…

“You’re actually thinking about choosing.. whatever moral cause this is… over me?” Alexa asked.

“Lex it’s not a choice,” Charlotte said. “I just feel uncomfortable-“

“Giving up everything we worked for?” Alexa asked, standing up. “Every moment we spent together, every vacation we took, all our dates, our fucking _dog_ over there – you made me fall in love with a _dog_ okay, our Friday night rituals, our Saturday morning rituals – all worth nothing?”

“No no,” Charlotte said. “It’s not like that.”

“Please explain to me what it’s like,” Alexa said.

“I feel like I’d be to guilty to..” Charlotte said.

“Look Charlotte I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m gonna tell you I’m immensely hurt right now,” Alexa said. “And if you don’t absolutely affirm that you want to stay together – and we can work through this too – I am gonna get the fuck out of here and I don’t want to talk to you ever again.”

“Alexa,” Charlotte began, not sure what she was saying. “I- I just don’t know if it was meant to be that we met through that.”

“We obviously fucking did,” Alexa said. “You can’t turn back time. It happened. We’re together.”

“Listen,” Charlotte said. “Look. Maybe. I don’t know.”

“And that’s not a yes,” Alexa said, in the midst of tears now, pulling out her cell phone. “Charlotte you fucked up. You just broke my heart, and I don’t even know why. I don’t know what the problem is here. I just don’t see it. Yeah they suck. But we don’t.” 

“Alexa…” Charlotte whimpered. “I can’t. I don’t know. I’m not gonna ask you to stay.”

Alexa took her phone and held it in front of Charlotte’s face. She went through her phone photo gallery and brought out pictures from incredible times they’d spent together – at their birthdays, in bed, having dinner – and started deleting them one by one.

Louis kept barking in the background. 

“Alexa stop,” Charlotte said, hiding her head into the couch. “Just… go. Just go. I don’t know what I’m doing okay. Can we please talk about this later?”

“Yeah, no,” Alexa snapped. “You’re not hearing from me again Flair. We’ve all seen where your priorities clearly lie. Nuh uh. You’ve lost me.”

 **Present Day**

“Hey,” Alexa’s thoughts were interrupted by Becky waving a hand in front of her face. “I have training and Sash has work. But you know you can call us whatever you need okay?”

“Yeah,” Alexa said quietly. 

“What are you thinking about?” Becky asked.

“I feel like we could have both been more mature about the breakup,” Alexa said. “Or at least about ending it. I don’t know what was bothering her. All I heard was that she was having second thoughts. And I just wanted to end it before she did anything stupid and-“ 

“I know, love,” Becky said, giving her roommate a tight hug. “Hey do you want me to set you up on a blind date or something?”

“Oh god,” Alexa said. “Last thing I need.”

“You know what they say,” Becky said, grinning and putting her arm around Sasha’s waist as they prepared to head out. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.”

Alexa sighed. There had been no closure for her and Charlotte. She wasn't ready for another person. Lack of closure was always what stopped her from getting over the tall blonde she had loved and lost and moving on.

Sigh.

A couple of days later, all of this was still on Alexa’s mind. It was all Charlotte’s fault really for suddenly reappearing from thin air. It was Louis’ fault from recognizing her scent from miles away. No way. Nothing was Louis’ fault though, Louis was a good boy, he was too precious. Alexa knew how much Louis loved her. She was glad to have seen the dog. He made her happy. 

Alexa wasn’t even sure what she wanted with or from Charlotte right now. She was frustrated with herself for all the confusion, but mostly she was frustrated because ever since running into Charlotte and getting over the initial rush of panic that had taken over her body, all Alexa could think about was the fact that she actually _wanted_ to talk to Charlotte. She wasn’t sure about what. But she had realized that the way they ended things was weird and immature, especially given that they had been so in love. 

Alexa probably still was in love though.  
Charlotte seemed fine, she seemed unfazed, she was smiling that gorgeous sunshine smile that Alexa had probably fallen in love with before she even realized it had been love.

Alexa was thinking about this in class and not paying attention to whatever lecture was happening. The clock moved very slowly, but finally it was time for class to end. Alexa just wanted to go home and lock her phone somewhere that she couldn’t drunk text Charlotte, and down a lot of wine.

She pulled out her phone to put on some music for her commute back to her apartment when she saw, _one missed call._ She didn’t have to look twice at the phone number to know who it belonged to. In a screaming whim of sad attempt at self control, Alexa had deleted Charlotte’s number from her phone a couple of weeks before. But make no mistake, she knew every digit back and forth and scrambled in the back of her mind. She could recite Charlotte’s number in her sleep and that was the number that was peeking out from her cell phone, telling her that twenty-five minutes ago, while she had been in class, Charlotte had rang her. 

_Why?_

A part of Alexa hoped it was an apology. They both had things to apologize for. A part of Alexa hoped Charlotte was miserable and suffering. Although she didn’t look the part at all. All of Alexa hoped that Charlotte hadn’t called her by mistake. That she wasn’t a butt dial just because her name started with A and was the first name on her ex’s contact list.

She also had a text message from Charlotte.

_Hey Lex. Can you give me a call? I need your help._

Charlotte needed _her_ help? What now? To take down some corporation that had infiltrated her television? Pfft. Oh, Charlotte. Alexa sighed, and took a deep breath. 

Very slowly, she slid her fingers across her phone and called Charlotte’s number.

Charlotte picked up on the second ring. 

“Hey,” Charlotte said, her voice still doing _things_ to Alexa. _Calm down,_ Alexa told herself and the pit in her stomach. It’s just Charlotte. You’ve talked to her countless times. It’s fine. “I’m glad you called.”

“Yeah sorry,” Alexa said, stopping by the sidewalk to lean against the wall. She didn’t have the energy to multitask with all that was going on. “I was in class so couldn’t pick up the first time.”

“Oh right, sorry I forgot,” Charlotte said. “I mean – I don’t know your schedule this semester so I just took a gamble.”

“Did you really just call me to brag about the times you had my schedule memorized?” Alexa asked, remembering all the times Charlotte would show up on campus at the perfect time with packed lunch, and they would go on picnics to the top of a hill and gaze at the city skyline holding hands. She shuddered. “What’s going on Charlotte? You said you needed help with something?”

“Yeah,” Charlotte said slowly. “I kind of need a favor.”

“Wow, you don’t talk to me for five months,” Alexa said. “And we run into each other One day, and suddenly we’re talking favors? Miss my fingers in you that much huh?”

“It’s not sexual ya nasty,” Charlotte said, laughing from the other end, her laugh giving Alexa chills she tried to ignore. “Besides, weren’t. you the one who said you never want to talk to me again or something like that?”

“Uh yeah,” Alexa said. “That day was wild.”

“A lot of things were said,” Charlotte agreed.

“Okay what the fuck are you doing,” Alexa said. “I have finals soon. I don’t have time to reminisce about one of the worst periods of my life, and I can’t do you any favors if it interferes with my finals.”

“Wow you’re so hardworking,” Charlotte said. “You always were. But yeah, no, it’s – not related to the finals timeline. It’s during Christmas break.”

“Uh, okay,” Alexa said. “What’s up?”

“Um, so you remember my grandmommy?” Charlotte asked.

“Of course,” Alexa said. “The redeeming factor of the Flair family. I love her a lot. She’s so adorable and kind and- yeah. I remember her, of course I do.”

“Yeah, and she adores you,” Charlotte said. “So… we may have a problem.”

“God,” Alexa said, frowning. “What did you do?”

“Well grandmommy loves you a lot okay?” Charlotte said. “I just.. didn’t have the heart to tell her.. or anyone in my family really that we broke up.”

“You-what?” Alexa asked. “Uh, okay. So.. what do you want me to do?”

“They’re uhm, my family they’re,” Charlotte began, and Alexa could feel the nervousness in her voice. “They’re kind of expecting you to come over for Christmas. I mean if you want to. You can say no of course. I uh completely understand. I was so shitty to you, Lex. And I am sorry for that. You… don’t owe me anything. It’s just, I don’t want to see grandmommy sad, I don’t even know how long she’ll be alive, I know she worries about me not finding a partner and I just don’t wanna worry her. You don’t have to pay for flights I’ll cover everything just – consider it?”

“I’ll do it,” Alexa found herself slowly saying. Maybe it was Charlotte’s voice, her ever weakness. Maybe it was the earnest tone in her apology. Definitely it was the fact that she wasn’t in the mood to disappoint an adorable old lady she had grown to adore and love in Charlotte’s grandmother. Either way. What the fuck was Alexa getting herself into. “You can stop rambling. I’m happy to come to Charlotte with you.” 

“Wait really?” Charlotte asked. “I was ready to make more compelling cases, I was ready for you to say no, I was ready to be sad and say I deserved-“

“Shut up,” Alexa said. “Just send me flight information and stuff. My exams end next Friday.”

“Yeah absolutely,” Charlotte said. “You uh, do realize we’ll still have to act like a couple right?”

“Mm?” Alexa asked, thinking about it. “Yeah I guess that’s true.”

“I’m sorry.. if that’s insensitive, I know I pulled the trigger on the breakup,” Charlotte said. “And I’m sorry about that. Again.”

“Charlotte,” Alexa sighed, nearly in tears, not sure why. She wasn’t sad. She wasn’t happy. She was relieved. A giant boulder had been lifted off of her shoulders. “I have to go now. I’ll see you soon yeah?”

“Yeah,” Charlotte said. “And Lex?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you." 

Alexa found herself smiling. “Anything for grandmommy, amirite?”

“Of course,” Charlotte said. “Bye.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it doesn’t snow too much in North Carolina, but we just gotta roll with it for the gay fic lads.

**Chapter Two**

_Do you get what I mean now? I’m so fixated on the girl with the soft sound, and hair all over the place. But you’re sure that I’d learn, I’m pushing through bodies, avoiding me and walking round you. Cause you’re cold and I burn, I guess I’ll never learn, cause I’ll stay another hour or two. –_ Settle Down, The 1975

“Wait are you kidding me?” Sasha asked, laughing. Alexa had just filled in Becky and Sasha on Charlotte’s little request to accompany her to North Carolina for Christmas with the Flair clan. “That girl is truly something.” 

“I mean I get it,” Alexa said, shrugging, taking a sip of her beer. The three of them were lounged on their living room couch. They loved having a good catch up session after they were done with their days, usually on Friday nights, something that had been a good distraction ever since the break up because Alexa’s previous Friday night ritual with Charlotte had obviously left her crashing and burning. “Her grandmother has a heart condition, I’d never want to stress her out.”

“Yer still in love with her, aren’t ya?” Becky asked. “Don’t answer that. You were literally wearing her fuckin’ sweatshirt the other day.”

“Becky I’m not-,” Alexa began. “The sweatshirt thing was – I mean, it’s soft. It’s so comfortable. I don’t even know okay.” 

“Does it still smell like her?” Sasha asked, a smug grin on her face. 

“No!” Alexa exclaimed, and then stopped for a second to think about it. “Maybe, just a little.”

Sasha started laughing. Becky shot her a quick look. Sasha quieted down.

“It’s fine guys,” Alexa said, sighing. “I’m fine. It’ll be okay. It’s just a weekend. I’ll just fly on a free vacation, eat some nice free food, and we’ll just go back to this weird lull again. It’ll be great.”

“You’ll probably have to hold hands and kiss,” Sasha said, as Becky shot her _another_ look. “What? It’s true. It’s a pretend relationship, but you can’t just pretend kiss to fool the fam.”

“They’re a good Southern family,” Alexa said. “We don’t have to do much PDA, thank god.” 

“A good Southern family?” Becky burst out laughing. “You know I read somewhere that Ric Flair’s slept with ten thousand women?” 

“What?” Alexa asked, scowling. “How do you even know that?”

“I’m a wrestler,” Becky said matter-of-factly. “He’s a wrestling legend. These things get around.”

“Look, I don’t even know what’s gonna happen,” Alexa said. “I’m just doing it for her sweet grandmommy.”

“Alright whatever you say,” Sasha said, patting Alexa on the back mockingly. 

“You guys are the worst,” Alexa said, lying down on the couch.

“And yet you fuckin’ love us,” Becky said. “You’re like our child sometimes ya know.”

“Yeah except parents never laugh at their kid’s suffering,” Alexa said. 

“It’s a package love,” Becky said. “Best friends and mom and mom all at once!” 

Alexa sighed. There was a time that Charlotte was a part of this group banter, and Alexa could even the odds against her ever teasing roommate and roommate’s girlfriend / practically pseudo roommate. In fact, this wasn’t the first Christmas Alexa would spend with Charlotte. 

She remembered their first one like it was yesterday.

** One Year Ago **

The year before, Charlotte hadn’t gone back to North Carolina to spend Christmas with her family, but instead she and Alexa had spent the holidays cozying it up in Alexa’s apartment with constant cuddles and endless hot chocolate. Alexa remembers very clearly as the two of them were preparing a humble feast for Christmas dinner with Sasha. Becky was working that night, an independent wrestling promotion that had come to town and was looking for fresh faces.

They had realized that they forgot limes, something that was essential for a dish that Alexa was making, so Charlotte and Alexa made their way block after block looking for a grocery store that might be open. There didn’t seem to be any open ones in sight, but Charlotte had reached down to the ground, rolled a snowball and tossed it at Alexa. Alexa had initially gasped in shock, and when Charlotte ran over to apologize and kiss her, Alexa snuck a snowball and tossed it straight toward Charlotte’s boobs.

They had both laughed very hard and struggled to attack each other, somehow both falling on to the snow and in a pile of cuddles, when Alexa kissed Charlotte.

“This is the best Christmas I’ve had in a long time,” she had told Charlotte. “I’m glad you stayed in the city for break.”

“I didn’t want to miss this,” Charlotte had said, beaming. “Us. You. You’re perfect.”

Alexa had blushed as the two of them lay there in their coats, Alexa wondering what she had done to deserve such a perfect girlfriend. And that was when they had heard him. 

A bark in the distance.

“Sounds like a crying dog,” Charlotte had said. 

“Do you want to go look?” Alexa had asked, noting the concern on her girlfriend’s face.

“Yeah maybe,” Charlotte had said. “What if it’s in trouble?” 

The two of them got up and wandered over to where the barking was coming from. By one of the closed convenience stores sat a little King Charles Cavalier. Louis was much tinier than he was currently. A mere pup. Charlotte had immediately fallen in love with him.

“Should we do something?” Charlotte had asked. “I don’t know how long he’s been here. What if his owner comes back?"

“Hmm,” Alexa said, thinking. It was clear that her girlfriend wanted to take the puppy home. She just needed a nudge. “Tell you what, why don’t you stick one of your business cards under the door of the store? If the owner comes looking, they can contact the gym.”

Charlotte had looked at Alexa like she was the sun. 

“You’re a genius,” she said, hugging her girlfriend tight against her. “I want to take him home.”

“I know,” Alexa had said, grinning.

** Present Day **

“Hey!” Becky’s voice snapped Alexa out of her reminiscing. “Earth to Alexa? You good? You look like you’re gonna start crying.”

“No,” Alexa said, pfft-ing. “I’m perfectly fine. I was just remembering Christmas last year.”

“Yeah, that was a good one, wasn’t it?” Becky asked, grinning. “We were a family then, and we’re still one now. Just one member short, and that’s her loss, okay?”

“Okay,” Alexa said, nodding. “I should go study for finals.”

“It’s the weekend baby!” Sasha yelled. “No studying til tomorrow! Let’s put on some bad TV okay?” 

“Okay,” Alexa said, easily convinced because she really wasn’t in the mood to study. 

Her phone beeped. A text from Charlotte, whose number Alexa had reluctantly (yes, reluctantly) saved again: _Hey Lex! Just sent you our itinerary!_

Alexa couldn’t help but smile. Only Charlotte would send an email and then send a text about it. She tried to regain her composure. _Got it, thanks! –_ she texted back.

 _Good luck with finals!_ – came the reply.

 _Thank you! How’s your Friday night?_ – Alexa replied. She could feel the effect of the beers in her. She didn’t want to stop texting Charlotte. This wasn’t good.

“Let me take that away from you,” Becky said, grabbing Alexa’s phone as if reading her mind.

“How did you know?” Alexa asked, annoyed but also relieved. 

“You’ve got these… special heart eyes that overcome your entire face when you talk to her,” Becky said, shaking her head. “Right?”

“Yep,” Sasha said. “It’s like… all you can see is your phone, or her face, or whatever it is you’re thinking about.”

“Ugh, fuck,” Alexa said, to no one in particular. Christmas was going to be a fun time.

 **Two Weeks Later**

It was two days before Christmas and the day of Alexa’s flight. She kept telling herself she wasn’t nervous. She got this in the bag. She had met Charlotte’s family before multiple times – when they had come for the opening of Charlotte’s gym, when they had all taken a nice trip to the Flair beach house in the Hamptons, Ric Flair was always in town so the two would have dinner with him, and of course, Alexa loved seeing Charlotte’s grandmother. They had first met when Charlotte had brought Alexa home for Thanksgiving the year before and the two of them got so close that Alexa and Charlotte had even taken Charlotte’s sweet grandmommy to one of Becky’s wrestling shows when she had visited them in New York. So, seeing them would be nothing new.

It wasn’t Charlotte’s family that Alexa was nervous about interacting with. It was _Charlotte_ herself. And the fact that they would have to act like a couple again. Which sounded so simple, given that it’s what Alexa had become accustomed to in the last couple years (except the previous five months of course). They were always very openly affectionate with each other, which Alexa had never been in any of her previous relationships. She loved Charlotte, and she was proud of the fact that this was her girl. She loved their little hand brushes, games of footsie under the table, sneaking kisses between times spent with friends. Showing love always came easy when she was with Charlotte, because loving Charlotte was easy.

Until Alexa didn’t want to remember and know and love anymore, because she wasn’t left with a choice. But the ways in which Charlotte had made her way into Alexa’s heart was something she had memorized. They had grown together so much the past years she knew almost everything about Charlotte. Which is what made it difficult to forget how to be in love with Charlotte. It wasn’t happening in a day, and Alexa wasn’t even willing to try and figure out if it _had_ happened in the last five months. Alexa had spent the last one hundred and fifty days trying to teach herself how to get over the one she thought had been the love of her life. And now suddenly (only for grandmommy really would Alexa agree to such a ridiculous thing) she had to unlearn everything she had worked to recover from, and get back in the business of holding Charlotte’s hand.

“Good luck,” Becky said as she hugged Alexa tight. “If anything weird or funny happens just give me a call, I’ll send you a flight ticket right back.”

“I’ll be okay, I think,” Alexa said.

“Hey you know what babe?” Becky asked.

“What?” Alexa looked at her roommate.

“If anything this is a chance for you,” Becky said. “To show her what she’s been missing. She isn’t gonna do any better than you, and that’s why she hasn’t told her family. Prove to her that you didn’t deserve to be taken for granted, or hurt like that yeah?” 

“That’s actually amazing advice,” Alexa said, taking a deep breath as she pulled out her suitcase out of their apartment and headed for JFK Airport.

Alexa thought she had this in the bag, until she saw her, and forgot every sense of makin Charlotte regret anything because there she stood towering over Alexa, and she was still as tall and gorgeous as ever, Alexa noted, as the two met up at their airport terminal, Charlotte thanking her countless times and Alexa shrugging it off, as they waited to board their flight. What bothered Alexa a lot was that she really couldn’t tell if Charlotte had been affected by the breakup to any extent. She was just in such a good mood both times that she had seen her since the breakup – first at the park and now at the airport – but was there ever a time that Charlotte missed her? The way Alexa often longed to hold Charlotte for one more night, or make pizza together one more evening? Charlotte just seemed so fucking unfazed and Alexa hated it.

“So… how’s it going?” Charlotte asked, as they took their seats next to each other on the airplane.

“You don’t have to do this,” Alexa said.

“Do what?” Charlotte asked, looking confused. 

“This whole, uh, small talk thing,” Alexa said. “You know I hate it.”

“I mean yeah I knew you hated it with everyone else,” Charlotte said. 

“Charlotte,” Alexa said, sighing. “Over the past five months I’ve worked very hard to make you… one of those ‘everybody else’ alright? Please don’t make this more difficult than it already is, for god’s sake.”

“Oh,” Charlotte said, looking surprised. “I’m so sorry Lex- uh, Alexa, I didn’t mean to – I’m so sorry. You really could have said no-“

“I know grandmommy has severe heart conditions,” Alexa said. “And she _obviously_ loves me – with very good reasoning, duh I’m adorable – and I didn’t want to hurt her. I know she obviously wants to see you happy in a relationship, and stuff. So. It wasn’t a big deal. And I wanted to see her." 

“You’re sweeter than you give yourself credit for,” Charlotte said, smiling. _Do Not Look At That Smile –_ Alexa warned herself. That smile may have been very bright, that smile also spelled out DOOM in big bold letters because when Alexa napped to pass the time on the flight, all she could dream of was making Charlotte smile in between kisses, as if everything was fine, as if Charlotte hadn’t dumped her over some Signs, or lack thereof.

*

The wheels of the plane touching the ground jerked Alexa open.

“We’re here,” Charlotte said softly. “You sleep ok?”

“Yeah,” Alexa said in a sleepy voice. This was the first time she had actually properly slept in a long time. She did not want to delve into the connection the condition of her sleeping might have had with the tall blonde next to her, so she didn’t really say anything. 

“You were doing the soft snoring thing,” Charlotte said, smiling fondly, Alexa noted.

“I told you a million times-“ Alexa began. “I have-“

“Breathing problems,” they said at the same time.

“I know,” Charlotte said, continuing to smile. “I remember. We slept next to each other for two years you know?”

 _I do,_ Alexa thought. _Do you?_ She wanted to ask. _Do you have any remorse or regret whatsoever? Do you ever wish we hadn’t just ended randomly?_

Before Alexa could think of a witty response, the airline crew directed them to form a line and exit the plane, and Charlotte stood up, and Alexa followed, and grabbed her carry on as they stepped into Charlotte airport, where the weather was already much warmer than it was in New York.

“Ready?” Charlotte asked. “I really _am_ grateful for you for doing this.”

“You already said that,” Alexa said, rolling her eyes, and intentionally avoiding the first question.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable okay?” Charlotte asked.

“Charlotte I’m a perfectionist,” Alexa said, suddenly remembering what Becky had told her about making Charlotte remember the good times and regret letting her go, deciding that she was determined for Charlotte to realize that she had made a mistake letting her go because Alexa _was_ pretty great. “We’ll do everything _just_ right. No one’s gonna question anything. It’ll be great.”

“You’re such a Leo,” Charlotte said, grinning. 

Alexa almost blushed.

They met up with Charlotte’s elder brother David and his wife – who had come to pick them up - in the parking lot, and they loaded their bags into the car and sat in the backseat together. Alexa took another deep breath and tried to compose herself. She was here to be a good fake girlfriend to Charlotte, and so she would. Charlotte’s family should not have to suspect a thing. And so as the two of them sat next to each other, Alexa let out her hand and offered it to Charlotte. 

Charlotte, not missing a beat (Alexa hated how in sync the two of them still were) took it happily, and smiled. _Fucking hell, she’s been smiling like that all day,_ Alexa thought _. Wonder why._ Maybe she was dating someone? For real, and not pretend? Alexa wondered if that’s why Charlotte was suddenly always smiling even more than usual, and whether this is why Charlotte was in such a good mood, more cheerful than usual.

 _It’s none of my business,_ Alexa told herself. _It’s fine. I’m just here to pretend we're happy and in love._

Charlotte’s nieces loved Alexa for some weird reason. It was absurd because she had never liked kids, and yet somehow the two girls practically jumped on her when she got there. Charlotte’s mom, Elizabeth, also seemed excited to see her as she pulled her into a hug. And of course, grandmommy couldn’t be more elated as even with her weak body she pulled Alexa into the kitchen and started showing her all the food that she was cooking that she was very excited for Alexa to taste. 

Initially, Alexa felt awkward every time she stood next to Charlotte because she wasn’t sure if the protocol of their pretend relationship was to be as touchy as possible, or not touchy at all, or – what even was the normal amount of PDA they had shown when they were together in front of Charlotte’s family previously?

Alexa couldn’t remember, but as Charlotte saw grandmommy fawn over Alexa, Alexa noticed Charlotte had a glimmer in her eye as she was watching them from the kitchen door. Charlotte looked so cute in the t-shirt and sweatpants that she had switched to. Less intimidating than her usual leather jackets. More approachable. Somehow, a greater reminder of home than Alexa had in a long time. Grandmommy had made herself busy cooking again, and Alexa felt awkward for a moment standing there, Charlotte just staring at her, as she stared back and suddenly felt a rush of emotions, all weak for how soft Charlotte suddenly was. This was the Charlotte she had fallen in love with. The ‘home’ Charlotte, the one ready to let her walls down and suddenly Alexa didn’t feel so awkward anymore.

She walked over to Charlotte. They had more of a view of the Flair dining room, where Charlotte’s mother was settling the table for dinner. Alexa was realizing old habits died hard because as she walked up to Charlotte, her auto response was to let out her hand, and Charlotte’s auto response was to reach for it.

“Hey you,” Alexa said, smiling. 

Charlotte bent down to kiss her on the cheek.

“She’s so happy to see you,” Charlotte said, not letting go of Alexa’s hand, and nodding toward grandmommy.

“It’s so mutual,” Alexa said, smiling. “I never really got a chance to get ot know my own grandmother, so I see her as my own really.”

“I’ve always loved that about you,” Charlotte said, looking into Alexa’s eyes, as Alexa felt a blush creeping on her cheek. “You really love and accept them as your own, even though they’re weird.” 

“Trust me, they’re as perfect as it gets,” Alexa laughed. “Thanks for having me here, I’d have just sat home watching some bad Netflix show otherwise. I do appreciate the company.”

“Anytime,” Charlotte said, suddenly pulling her into a hug. Alexa’s heart started beating really fast. This wasn’t part of the plan. _She_ was the one who was supposed to make Charlotte realize what she had been missing.

But instead, with her arms wrapped around Charlotte’s neck, Alexa couldn’t help but breathe in Charlotte’s scent, and the perfect fit of their bodies against each other, and realize she remembered every step. Holding Charlotte’s hand, play-flirting with Charlotte, and hugging Charlotte – the idea might have made Alexa feel very awkward even a few hours ago, but right then and there in the Flair household, as she held on to her ex-girlfriend, she realized just how familiar every sensation of closeness to Charlotte Flair was. It was second nature.

“Get a room, you two!” Charlotte’s older niece Victoria yelled at them, as they slowly broke the hug.

Charlotte and Alexa looked at each other as Charlotte smiled. Alexa found herself smiling as well. They still hadn’t let go of each other’s hand. Alexa was conscious of Charlotte’s long fingers wrapped so cozily around her shorter ones. It suddenly got hard to breathe.

“This is not so bad,” Charlotte said.

Alexa nodded, a rush of very overwhelming feelings encompassing her entire body and mind. Maybe even her heart as well.

*

Dinner was nice. Charlotte’s dad, the wrestler Ric Flair was spending this night and Christmas eve with his current wife’s family, and the two of them would arrive on Christmas. Alexa had never been close to her family, let alone have a big one like this, so while it was new and different, she really liked the dynamic of it all. She felt like she was valued, even though she was just Charlotte’s girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend, but nobody knew that really so she was just fine playing the part and getting spoiled) she was treated just like she was another of the Flair clan.

Over dinner Charlotte’s mom asked her many questions about nursing school, and Alexa answered all of them politely.  
“It’s alright,” Alexa said. “It’s really tough sometimes.”

“She’s being modest,” Charlotte said, grinning at Alexa. “She finished top of her class end of last year – her very first year of nursing school and top! Can you imagine?”

“Oh god you talk too much sometimes,” Alexa teased, blushing. “This semester’s been harder actually.”

“How come?” Charlotte’s mom asked.

 _Your daughter broke my heart,_ she wished she could say. 

Instead she just mumbled something about seasonal depression and tried to focus on her mashed potato instead. Her second of sadness lasted just that – a second – because Charlotte’s feet found hers under the table. 

Alexa almost jumped and looked up, and Charlotte muttered a “sorry, accident!” but Alexa realized this was her chance. She dangled her feet and struggled, but succeeded, to find Charlotte’s long legs under the table and suddenly they were playing footsie like they always used to before the breakup. Just being in contact with Charlotte’s legs reminded Alexa of how much she missed those wrapped around her waist. She shook her head, trying to escape the thought.

After dinner, they all sat down in the living room, cozied around each other, watching a Christmas movie, as Charlotte’s nieces – bless their heart - made everyone hot cocoa. Initially, Charlotte and Alexa were sitting next to each other with their hands to themselves, but then they realized they were watching _Love Actually,_ which was the first movie they had actually seen together on their first date after they had come out of The Attachment. Charlotte had put on a screening for Alexa at her house because it was one of her favorites, but Alexa had never seen it, and Alexa had loved it. They had ended the night having sex on a lot of pieces of furniture in Charlotte’s house, and just the thought of the memory was sending goosebumps across Alexa’s arms. 

Charlotte had also probably had the same thought, because Alexa could point the twinkle in Charlotte’s eyes the minute she realized what movie was on. She looked to her right sheepishly at Alexa and shot her a shy, knowing smile.

Alexa smiled back. It was Christmas, she could be nice to her ex for a weekend. Even if it was pretend. Or was it? Alexa wasn’t sure anymore, because when Charlotte unexpectedly put her arms around the smaller woman all Alexa wanted to do was lean her head against it and stay there for a long long time.

Sitting next to Charlotte, being held by her, having her play with Alexa’s fingers on her free hand, as one of their favorite movies as a couple played – full of much romance, Alexa might note – she felt like the lines between real and fake were awfully blurred. Alexa wasn’t sure if she was in love with Charlotte still, but it was Charlotte – who _couldn’t_ help but love her?

They were in the middle of the movie when Charlotte’s younger niece Sarah yelled, “OH MY GOSH! It’s snowing!”

They were all shocked because even though snow wasn’t extremely rare in Charlotte, it _was_ pretty uncommon.

“Dad can please we go outside to play in the snow?” Victoria asked Charlotte’s brother, her dad.

“Oh I don’t know..” David said, looking hesitant. “It’s so late and I don’t want you guys to just be alone out there.”

“But dad we never get snow!”

Alexa elbowed Charlotte. She knew Charlotte loved playing in the snow. She also loved giving her nieces whatever they wanted.

Charlotte looked at her as if she had read her mind and nodded.

“Alexa and I will go with them!” Charlotte said, and Alexa smiled at David. 

“Okay fine!” David said, giving up. “But not more than an hour, and then it’s straight to bed!”

“Yay!” The girls said, and ran over to hug their father, and then Charlotte and Alexa.

Alexa joined the girls in making tiny snow angels with their bodies though the snow didn’t seem to stick, so it proved a little difficult. Charlotte on the other hand was in a corner building a snowman, and the three of them decided to go join her too because their mission wasn’t going very well.

Alexa rolled a snowball into her hands and was about to add it to the growing man when she tripped on a piece of stick and the ball flew out of her hand to Charlotte’s neck.

They looked at each other. 

“That hit really high,” Alexa said. “I’m so impressed.”

“Um,” Charlotte said, scoffing. “You’re not getting away with that, Miss Bliss, that hurt.” 

Suddenly Charlotte was flinging a snowball at her, and Alexa flinging one back, and the girls joining in too, all of them laughing, and one of the snowballs from Charlotte hit Alexa so hard in the stomach that she topped over in the snow. Charlotte ran over to check on her, but instead slipped on the slush that had formed on the ground and fell right on top of Alexa, while her nieces watched with their mouth wide open. 

That should have hurt, but instead all Alexa could think about was the fact that she was staring up at the most beautiful woman in the world, their faces inches away from each other. 

“You okay?” Charlotte asked, not climbing away from Alexa just yet. 

“I am,” Alexa said, trying to think of a witty reply. “No thanks to you. Did you come to help, or to make things worse? You’re so fucking tall I could have broken three bones.”

“Sorry!” Charlotte said. “You know I can be clumsy.”

“Yep,” Alexa said, staring at Charlotte, whose face was shining awfully bright considering that there was very little moonlight. Must be the light from the Christmas decorations around their house, she told herself.

“Right right,” Charlotte said, almost in a whisper, her lips awfully close to Alexa’s. _Do_ NOT _think about her lips. No, no no,_ Alexa told herself.

Very, _very_ slowly, Charlotte picked herself up and climbed off of Alexa. 

Alexa hoped and prayed to every god out there that Charlotte couldn’t feel just how fast her heart had begun beating when Charlotte had landed on her. Charlotte had immediately reached to hold on to Alexa’s waist for balance, and _that_ was a lot.

They made their way back to the house not long after and soon it was time for bed.

“We… you.. uh don’t have to share,” Alexa said, staring at the big bed in Charlotte’s childhood bedroom. Sleeping arrangements had completely slipped her mind. “I can sleep on the couch, or like the floor or something I’m sure someone has a sleeping bag.”

“Are you crazy?” Charlotte asked. “This is Southern hospitality woman you are not sleeping anywhere else. Besides, you act like we’ve never done it before.”

They had been roommates during The Attachment where they had to share a bed. They had been sharing a bed since the day they had met.

“True,” Alexa nodded, and let out a big sigh. She went to the bathroom to change when Charlotte started changing to her pajamas because the last thing she wanted to see or think about was Charlotte’s strong sexy back muscles that she had always loved.

It was fine, Alexa thought, as they made their way under the covers on two sides of the bed, and Charlotte turned the lights off. Suddenly Alexa was conscious of every single thing in the space – the soft sound of snow hitting the ground, the floor creaking downstairs, and Charlotte breathing.

“This isn’t so bad, right?” Charlotte asked. “Nobody suspects that we’re not a couple.” 

“Yep,” Alexa said, wondering if pretending was feeling easier because she had started to feel it as well. She shook it off. “It’s been a good day.”

“Thank-,” Charlotte was about to start, and then remembered that Alexa had said not to say thank you so many times. “I mean, I’m really glad you’re here, Lex.”

“Me too,” Alexa found herself saying, as she could feel herself drifting off to sleep. It was going to be okay, it was easier than she had initially anticipated. She was good at cozying up to Charlotte and she was being intentional about it and making deliberate moves. It wasn’t because she was still madly pining over Charlotte. She hadn’t done anything weird or rash that showed how much she had missed being around Charlotte. She had so much self-control. She was the mayor of Chill Town, she thought, smiling to herself as she fell asleep. Everything was going great. 

Except when she woke up the next morning, she didn’t have to open her eyes to know that she was no longer at the end of the bed. She could feel the long arms around her, and she could feel their legs tangled. Fuck. Somehow someway at night they had ended up cuddling. And Charlotte’s body felt so warm and so… home like, that Alexa wasn’t even sure that she minded.

Alexa was fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and feedback appreciated! My tumblr is softcharlotte :3


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

_Words fell out like water, tangled in our thoughts, I just want to hold you, but you won’t let us move on_ – LANY, “Taking Me Back”

They were cuddling. This was bad news, but it wasn’t surprising. It was bad news because this should not be happening between two exes who had a bad breakup and never really worked to get to the root of their issues. This was unsurprising because of the way the two had got together, and the reason things falling apart were inevitable. You see Alexa Bliss and Charlotte Flair didn’t meet online on any app. Neither were they set up by friends. They certainly hadn’t had a meet cute on the streets. Alexa and Charlotte had met through a psychological study called The Attachment (a fucked up one funding wars apparently) where they were required to be together 24/7 for a month.

This hadn’t been a problem for Becky and Sasha, because those two had gone to couples therapy soon after they were released from that very unusual situation just so that they could figure out boundaries and what a healthy relationship was. Alexa and Charlotte had scoffed at the idea and shut it down.

  
“We’re perfect,” they used to say.

“We don’t need to see anyone,” Charlotte had said. “I think we’re doing just fine.”

The same Charlotte who completely shut her out the minute The Attachment went to shit and refused to look back. Alexa shouldn’t ever have shrugged off the therapy idea. Neither should she have left Charlotte’s house with any closure whatsoever after the breakup.

They might have denied it throughout their time as a couple, but the truth was, after much reflecting with Becky, Alexa had realized – The Attachment had fucked them up. She wasn’t about Charlotte’s end, but because of the study, Alexa had developed a weird dependency on seeing Charlotte almost every waking hour. Thus their post-Attachment life involved a lot of hanging out every day. They made time in their busy schedules, in the midst of nursing school and owning a gym, to make sure they were spending at least a few hours together every single day. And sleeping in the same bed every night. Their bodies and minds and every movement had gotten so used to each other in the month they spend together non-stop. This had of course made the breakup extra harder on Alexa, but it had also helped her realize that she and Charlotte had done a lot of things wrong the first time round, their relationship was far from the perfect match it appeared on paper. 

Not that there was gonna be a second round. Nuh uh. Was Alexa softening up every time she and Charlotte had brushed hands or hugged or that one time they fell on each other during the last 24 hours? Sure. But it was part of the pretend relationship, as well as their auto mechanism to constantly turn to each other because it was what they had been forced to accustom themselves to in the month that they had been obliged to stay together. Maybe Charlotte was right, Alexa thought, The Attachment was fucked up. 

The hole Alexa felt every time she and Charlotte had to separate for whatever reason hurt her for an entire year after they had come out from the fake town they were living in for the program. And when they reunited, things fell back into place. 

The break up should have been unsurprising really.

Similar to how unsurprising it was when even before Alexa woke up, she realized she was completely wrapped up in the taller blonde’s body. Of course, they had found each other’s arms, their legs had fallen right into their ever-familiar curled up position. It’s what they always gravitated toward. _Each other._

They really should have gone for those couples’ therapy sessions. One one hand, Alexa hated it. She hated how much she – no, her body - loved Charlotte, how much The Attachment had messed with them and continued to fuck up their relationship beyond their time there, and she hated that she and Charlotte both had not fought harder to stay together. 

On the other hand, Charlotte smelled so good. Alexa had missed the mix of peach soap and warm clean laundry and little hint of coffee that combined with Charlotte’s inherent scent to form what was the most comforting smell in the world for her. She still hadn’t opened her eyes, and still hadn’t wiggled her way out of their sleeping embrace – she wasn’t stalling, she swore – but she was taking it all in. Charlotte smelled like love and comfort and – home. Charlotte’s arms were incredibly and unfortunately enough still home, and they were - unintentional to their owner – beckoning Alexa back. And Alexa was doing everything she could to pretend that she had lost and torn up the map to the way back.

Alexa didn’t want to dwell in these thoughts anymore as it was bringing a cloud of gloom and doom she was very familiar with from the immediate days that followed their breakup. Trying to unlearn the patterns of Charlotte and her body and her voice and her mannerisms had been so difficult, and here Alexa was back in her arms. Automatically.

She could feel Charlotte breathing softly next to her, and Alexa didn’t need her eyes open to know that Charlotte was definitely still sleeping. She considered staying in that position for a few more minutes because she was a generous and considerate person and of course she didn’t want to wake up Charlotte. Yep, that was definitely the reason she wasn’t letting go right now. 

Alexa shook her head. She couldn’t go down this road again, she had to be stronger. She didn’t care if it would wake Charlotte up. She’d try not to, but if she spent a second longer in such close proximity to Charlotte’s body – which was so hot and gorgeous and the most lovable Alexa had ever seen – she was going to combust. The plan was that they pretend in front of the family, this reflex action cuddling had happened, but it could also be stopped. And it _had_ to stop.

She opened her eyes and planned her mission to escape from this very tight (in the best way, Alexa would never admit) hold. The second Alexa tried to move her arm out of Charlotte’s, she found it being pulled back in. 

“Mm,” Charlotte said in her sleep. “Stay. It’s the day before Christmas.”

“So?” Alexa whispered. “I don’t know how this happened-“

“But it’s so comfy isn’t it?” Charlotte asked.

This girl was just asking for trouble, Alexa thought. She had to put an end to it.

“Charlotte I’m not cuddling my ex-girlfriend,” Alexa said. “No matter what the season or how comfy.”

“Ugh, you’re no fun,” Charlotte said, slowly letting go of Alexa, her eyes still closed. “We fit together so well don’t we.” 

“Should have thought of that when you broke my heart,” Alexa found herself saying and immediately regretted it. She was _not_ supposed to show any vulnerability or remote sign of sadness on this trip. “I mean, I’m fine. It’s fine.”

Charlotte opened her eyes immediately.

“You sure it’s fine?” Charlotte asked, raising an eyebrow, only to find an empty bed.

Alexa was already on her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth, compose herself, and erase the memory of whatever the fuck had just caused this awful slip up.

Alexa avoided Charlotte after she was done with the bath room and went down on her own to have breakfast with the family, still in her PJ’s. _Remember you’re supposed to be dating. Don’t show any signs of sadness or annoyance,_ Alexa told herself. She took a look at sweet grandmommy who was telling Charlotte’s mom she did not want any maple syrup on her pancakes. _Do it for her._

Charlotte came down a couple minutes later, having put on a comfy looking black hoodie over the t-shirt that she had slept in, and pulled up her hair into a bun. She could pull of this athleisure look so well. Alexa was jealous.

“Hey!” Charlotte said, smiling at everyone, including Alexa, as she grabbed a couple of pancakes from the table.

“You girls sleep well?” Charlotte’s mom, Elizabeth asked.

“It was like we were never gone,” Charlotte said, and Alexa wondered why she suddenly got butterflies.

*

They began decorating the house and the Christmas tree after breakfast. The Flair family tradition involved blasting a long seemingly never-ending playlist full of Christmas songs as they finished hanging the lights, and brought their favorite ornaments to the trees. Alexa’s family had never had such traditions so while she was very grateful to be here, she was also very shy and not sure how to be a part of it without feeling a little awkward. 

But Charlotte and her nieces were very welcoming and they handed her ornaments, and show her how to do different parts of the decorating. When all that was left to put on the tree was the star, Charlotte asked her nieces which of them wanted to be lifted up to put it on top.

They both looked at each other and Victoria said, “Alexa should do it!”

“What?” Alexa asked.

“You’re our guest!” Sarah said. “Plus, we’re all almost the same height so it’s fine.”

“Aunty Charlotte can lift you,” Victoria said, as Alexa really hoped her face didn’t look at bright red as warm as it felt. 

Charlotte started laughing. “I can definitely lift you up,” Charlotte said, offering the tree-top star to Alexa. “If you are okay with it of course!”

“Do it! Do it!” The girls rang in chorus. 

“O-okay,” Alexa said, her stomach suddenly overcome with many butterflies.

“I’ve lifted you before right, Lex?” Charlotte asked, thinking for a second. “Yep, I totally have.”

Alexa tried very hard not to think about all the times Charlotte would just pick her up and put her on kitchen countertops, and fuck her for hours.

“I think so yeah,” Alexa said, blushing.

Charlotte grinned. Her face it all. She definitely remembered it too. Ugh, and she looked so smug about it too. It was fine, she could erase that thought out of her head, right? Maybe Becky was right, maybe she _did_ need to be with another person, because all of her memories of good sex were with Charlotte.

Alexa slowly took the star from Charlotte’s hand and tried to ignore every sensation she was feeling as the mere touch of Charlotte’s strong hands around her waist was enough to send shivers down her spine. Carefully, she placed the star on top of the tree, and could have sworn Charlotte held her in the air a second or two longer than necessary, as the girls clapped and Alexa awkwardly tried to pick herself up as Charlotte brought her petite frame down to the ground. 

The nieces were distracted by something or they other so they ran off to play while Charlotte’s mom and grandmommy were in the kitchen preparing dinner.

“You weren’t,” Charlotte began. “Look, about what you said-“

“Charlotte,” Alexa said. “It was five months ago, it was a messy breakup. I was hurt. Sometimes that happens after a breakup not that you would know. You seemed perfectly over it after.” 

“What makes you think that I was over it?” Charlotte asked. “Two fucking years! We’d been together every single d-“

They heard footsteps approaching and Charlotte immediately became quiet. “To be continued,” she mouthed at Alexa, who simply shot her a disapproving look.

“The tree looks beautiful!” Elizabeth said, as Charlotte tried to beam. “And oh! Would you look at that!”

“What?” Charlotte asked, self conscious.

“You two are standing under the mistletoe!” she said, as Alexa swore she heard Charlotte’s nieces giggling from the other room.

“What?” Charlotte asked, and then looked up. “When did that even get there?” 

“The girls hung it this morning!” Elizabeth said, beaming. “Well, what are you two lovebirds. waiting for? Go on.“ 

“Um, not with my mother standing there,” Charlotte said, as Alexa was ready to blend into one with the ground.

“Okay okay,” Elizabeth said, smiling as she began to leave the room.

“We don’t have to,” Charlotte said. “We can just move and pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Your mom is _right there_ in the hallway,” Alexa said, pointing. “It’s fine, it’s okay, just.. yeah.” 

Alexa got on her toes as she felt Charlotte’s much bigger frame wrap her arms around her tiny waist and softly peck her on the lips for a second.

Charlotte drew herself apart and they looked at each other.

“That… wasn’t so bad,” Charlotte said, and Alexa scoffed. She found herself wanting more, but she knew she shouldn’t. She knew she should move away from the mistletoe, but instead she stood there just staring into at Charlotte’s eyes. 

“Are you seeing anyone?” Charlotte asked.

“You mean, like, dating?” Alexa asked back.

“Yeah.”

“No,” Alexa said. “If I was seeing someone I wouldn’t have come.”

“Right.” 

“Are _you_ seeing anyone?” she asked, bracing herself. 

“I’m not,” Charlotte said. “I haven’t gone on a date or anything-“ 

“Me either,” Alexa said.

The girls came back, giggling. “Mistletoe! Mistletoe!” they yelled.

Before Alexa could say anything, Charlotte bent down again and kissed her, this time much longer, much needier, with more tongue. As Alexa took in the familiar and beloved taste of her former girlfriend, she felt Charlotte’s previously stiff body relax as Alexa draped her arms around Charlotte’s shoulder and felt a deep exhilaration that her body had adamantly craved for the past five years only to have found herself crying into her pillow in the middle of the night scrolling through Charlotte’s Instagram account wonder why she hadn’t deleted all of their pictures.

After what seemed eternity (it was actually around three and a half minutes) they broke apart.

“Uh,” Charlotte began. 

“Umm,” Alexa said. 

“I’m gonna go see if grandmommy needs help,” Charlotte said, and stepped out.

Alexa tried not to giggle as she found herself collapsing on the nearest couch with a ridiculous grin on her face. 

*

Dinner was wonderful as usual, and then they watched another Christmas movie – this time Alexa much more comfortable leaning into Charlotte’s jacked arms as she rested her head on Charlotte’s biceps, while Charlotte stroked her thigh with her free hand. Alexa wasn’t sure what was going on, or what was going to happen, but kissing Charlotte was like reuniting with her happiest memory. It made all of the bad feelings she had had over the past five months slightly better. Of course, there was so much she needed to get out of her chest, but in that moment, she didn’t really care. Alexa looked up at Charlotte and Charlotte smiled at her and softly kissed her nose, as Alexa tried to pay attention to the movies but could only really think about how much she felt at home in Charlotte Flair’s arms.

They came back to Charlotte’s childhood room once the movie ended, as Charlotte closed the door and smiled at her.

“Good day, yeah?” she asked. 

“Yep, for sure,” Alexa said, smiling at the taller woman. “Thank you again for having me. Your family is really great, I always feel so welcome.”

“Of course, Lex,” Charlotte said. “You’ll always be part of the family.”

Silence fell on them, as Charlotte shuffled around awkwardly looking for god-knows-what as Alexa reached in her bag to find a fresh set of PJ’s for last night.

“Hey remember this?” Charlotte asked, picking up a photo frame on her desk. It contained a picture of Alexa being chased by a turkey, a hilarious fond memory from their last visit to Charlotte together.

“Oh my god,” Alexa said, moving closer and grabbing the frame from Charlotte’s hands. “I can’t believe you had the audacity to print that out and put that here.”

“It’s so cute,” Charlotte laughed. “It’s one of my favorite pictures of you.” 

They stood there, and looked at each other. Silence fell over them again as Alexa felt a thousand emotions crash into her body at once. This was all a lot, perhaps more than she could handle, but it was cold and Christmas and emotions were running everywhere. She had no time to sit down, analyze, or reflect.

“I really want to kiss you again,” Charlotte said. “I’m sorry if that makes me an asshole and insensitive, but you’re here and you’re doing this really nice favor for me and you’re so good with my family and I’m just so grateful.”

“You always did talk a lot,” Alexa said, shaking her head as she lifted her feet and went straight for Charlotte’s lips, which were soft as ever. 

Soft kisses turned rougher, as the two suddenly struggled to stay on their feet as Alexa pushed Charlotte’s body against the wall and kissed her hard and fast, realizing just how much she had missed every beat of their lips colliding together and the rhythms they had created together in their little bubble, their hologram, over their years loving each other. 

Alexa knew what Charlotte liked, she had every nook and cranny memorized, she knew what made Charlotte squirm, she knew that ridiculously cute giggle Charlotte had when she took her jeans off, and she knew exactly how loud Charlotte would moan if she fingered her through her panties – and she did – and Alexa loved to take in her power and the effect that she still very clearly had on Charlotte. She smirked through their kisses as she took off her own shirt, and pushed herself further against her much taller ex. 

“Lex,” Charlotte breathed between moans. “Lex I want you. I’ve missed you.”

“I know, baby,” Alexa said, the nickname automatically finding itself back to the tip of her tongue, as if it was just taking a vacation, and had now found itself back home. “But you gotta be patient okay?”

Alexa pulled Charlotte’s shirt over her head and unhooked her bra with a flick of her fingers.

“How do you always do that?”

“A magician never tells her secrets.”

“You're such a nerd!" Charlotte said. "Fuck me please, Lex.” 

“Oh my god you ridiculously tall ridiculous weirdo, I forgot that you never shut up during sex.”

She continued teasing Charlotte’s clit through her panties with one hand, while with the other she played with the taller woman’s nipples. Alexa had missed having control, and she had missed having control over Charlotte. As she got on her knees, took off Charlotte’s underwear, and dove her tongue deep between Charlotte’s thighs, she got very wet herself hearing the way each centimeter of movement her tongue made across Charlotte’s clit caused a reaction in the woman who had broken her heart. Alexa had thought that having post-breakup fake relationship sex with Charlotte would be like when they had first met and didn’t necessarily like each other – no strings attached, no feelings, just physical attraction. Except times were different. They had been through several whirlwinds together. Alexa wasn’t thinking with her hormones while she fucked Charlotte hard against the wall of her childhood bedroom (“My mom is in the next room this is so dirty, please go deeper” Charlotte gasped as she suppressed her screams) Alexa realized there were _many_ emotions involved in there.

*

It was suddenly a given that they had cuddled to sleep and had woke up wrapped up each other once more on Christmas morning, when a soft forehead kiss from Charlotte woke Alexa up. She felt different, her head lighter, her thighs aching, her fingers heavy - and that’s when she realized she was naked in bed with her ex. This was probably a disaster, but maybe also, okay. 

“Morning,” Charlotte whispered softly. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Alexa said, her eyes still closed, as she buried her face in Charlotte’s neck. “I really didn’t think we were gonna have sex. 

“Me either,” Charlotte said, shrugging. “But we’ve always been spontaneous.”

“That’s you really,” Alexa said. “I like planning. You like destroying them.”

Charlotte laughed, picked up Alexa’s face, and kissed her. 

“It’s Christmas, Lex, it’s okay to have a little fun,” Charlotte said.

Charlotte might not have read too much into it, but Alexa’s heart sank a little at _little fun._ Maybe it sank a lot. Wasn’t Alexa supposed to be the cold one? Wasn’t Charlotte the romantic? When had the tables turned so far? 

Charlotte’s dad, Ric, and his wife, Wendy had driven over as well, and everyone was gushing over the beautiful snow outside, and the warm food inside as they had a wonderful time eating Christmas dinner as a family early afternoon.

Then it was time for presents. Grandmommy had knitted Alexa a sweater with an A in the front – Alexa nearly cried. Grandmommy loved the scented candles and books Alexa had gotten her. Charlotte’s nieces had given Alexa some cute Disney memorabilia, knowing just how much Alexa loved Disney. Then, Alexa handed Charlotte two presents – “one for Louis,” she had said, as Charlotte opened her own to find a gorgeous new pair of Nike running shoes. 

“Yours seemed worn out when I ran into you running the other day,” Alexa mumbled.

“Don’t you guys see each other all the time?” Victoria asked. 

“Y-yeah,” Alexa stuttered, not sure what she had just revealed. 

“But not always during my morning run,” Charlotte covered up. “We had slept separately that night and somehow ended up at the same running route.”

“Central Park!” Alexa said, excitedly, hoping nobody would pick up on how red she had suddenly gotten.

Thankfully, everyone seemed distracted by presents. 

“Sorry!” Alexa mouthed toward Charlotte, as Charlotte handed Alexa a box, wrapped in gold.

“It’s heavy!” Alexa said, as she unwrapped the gold, to reveal a KitchenAid mixer, something Alexa had dreamed of owning all her life, but had dedicated all her money to student loans and apartment rent instead of focusing on her passion for cooking. “Oh my gosh! Charlotte this- I’m- wow.” 

“I know how much you’ve always wanted a mixer and besides, watching you use your handheld mixer is kind of painful,” Charlotte said, as Alexa immediately practically leapt to wrap her arms around Charlotte and kiss her on the cheek. “Your incredible skills deserve so much support. You’re the only reason I know how to make anything in the first place.”

“Remember when Charlotte burned herself boiling water?” Charlotte’s sister, Megan teased, as everyone laughed.

After presents they all sat around the fire and told stories, and played board game and drank. Alexa, with her spiked hot cocoa, found herself constantly holding Charlotte’s hand, or leaning against Charlotte, or occasionally reaching for kisses – none of which Charlotte seemed to mind. A little delirious both from whatever was going on here, and the alcohol in her cocoa, Alexa for once in her life didn’t feel like analyzing whatever was going on, because for the first time since the breakup, she felt happy. She was surrounded by a family who loved her, showing that biology wasn’t important, she was eating good food that she didn’t have to make for herself, and she and Charlotte were actually getting along, which she hadn’t expected at all when she agreed to this plan. 

When they went back to Charlotte’s room, Charlotte did the thing – she picked Alexa up, and placed her on her childhood desk. Alexa dug her nails deep into Charlotte’s back as the taller woman kissed her thighs and made her come with her fingers, and Alexa moaned Charlotte’s name and felt as good as she would as if they had never been apart, as if they were back together because the longing she had felt in Charlotte’s finger, albeit Charlotte’s outer joy and apathy about the breakup, seemed to mirror the longing Alexa had felt in herself, to find herself back home to Charlotte, to her arms, to her body.

Over this weekend in North Carolina, they had fallen back into all of the familiar patterns – holding hands, cuddling, cooking together, watching movies, getting each other presents.

And it was a shame this was all ending in the next day.

*

After they’re done, and about to go to bed, Alexa gets a FaceTime call. Thankfully she has a shirt on – one of Charlotte’s shirts, triple her size – but so comfy nonetheless with no need for pants. She checks her phone and smiles to see that it’s Becky. Charlotte was lying next to her naked, so Alexa turned her phone to only face her as she picked up the call. 

“Hey babe!” Becky happily greeted her over the phone. “Merry Christmas!” 

“Merry Christmas!” Alexa greets back. “How are you? How’s Ireland?”

“I’m good!” Becky said. “Ireland’s been so good. Great to see my folks! You had a good day?”

“Yeah!” Alexa said. 

“Charlotte not torturing you too much?” Becky asked, as Charlotte raised her hands in protest, “I’m right here!” – Charlotte yelled. "Hey, Becks!"

“No I think we’re getting along,” Alexa said, smiling.

“Say Lexie,” Becky said. “When this is all over, there’s someone I want ya to meet. My friend Mickie who’s movin’ to the Big Apple. Remember one time ya saw a pic and ya said she was real cute? And remember how I said you gotta get under someone-“

“Oh okay!” Alexa said, quickly cutting Becky off, blushing out of her mind. “That sounds great! Listen Becks, I gotta go, I’ll talk to you soon!”

“Oh,” Becky said. “Alright, bye!”

Within seconds of hanging up, before neither Charlotte nor Alexa could say anything, Alexa’s phone buzzed with two texts from Becky.

_You’re shagging her, aren’t ya?_

_Fool. Be careful, ok?_

Alexa sighed. 

“Oh, so Becky’s friend Mickie, huh?” Charlotte said, in a teasing playful voice. “Sounds like that could be fun.” 

“Uh, yeah,” Alexa said. “I guess.”

“I gotta say I’m getting a little jealous,” Charlotte said. “Becky setting you up with people. I just thought we could maybe keep hooking up when we go back?”

Charlotte’s words were ringing and repeating in Alexa’s head over and over again. 

And that was the last straw Alexa needed to snap.

“You know what, Charlotte?” Alexa asked. “You don’t get to do that.”

“Do what?” Charlotte asked. 

“Dump me for some weird moral causes and then,” Alexa breathed. “Just say shit like you’re getting jealous. No, no, no. You have no right.” 

“Lex, I’m sorry,” Charlotte said. “I was kidding.”

“That’s almost worse,” Alexa said, now on the verge of tears. 

“What do you mean?” Charlotte asked.

“I’ve been crying my eyes out since the day it was over,” Alexa said. “And you – you seem so happy. And why wouldn’t you, I guess it was your idea.”

“Lex just because I haven’t cried in front of you,” Charlotte said. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t cry. A breakup is a two person deal, it affected both of us. I loved you just as much and-“

“Did you?” Alexa asked, now actually crying. “Then why didn’t you fight for me? Why didn’t you stop me when I walked out? Why didn’t we just go to therapy and figure out our shit.” 

“Lex, I don’t know,” Charlotte said. “I saw the news and everything was just happening too fast, and we were together almost 24/7 all the time, which you’re right we _should_ have gone to therapy, but I’m bad at putting my feelings into words more than you realize.” 

“That sounds fake,” Alexa said. “You’re not telling me something.”

“I didn’t know what was happening with us, I feel like it got too serious too fast” Charlotte offered “and I took it as a sign that those people from The Attachment got arrested that you and I… shouldn’t have been together in the first place?”

“And deny us all of those good times?” Alexa asked. “Look at us Charlotte. We literally spent this entire weekend as a couple. How much of that was pretend? Did you hate it when you were kissing me under that mistletoe?” 

“Not at all,” Charlotte said, sniffling. 

“Then when the fuck did we stop pretending Charlotte?” Alexa asked. “Were we ever pretending?” 

“I don’t know.”

“We're acting an awful lot like we're still together," Alexa said.

"I know," Charlotte said. "I think I still l-"

"No, no," Alexa said. "You do not get to do this without telling me the real reason you suddenly decided to just end everything?” Alexa said. “Yeah they got arrested and that triggered it, but what were you afraid of?”

“I... can't tell you that.. not when you're so angry,” Charlotte repeated. “You’re the one who left saying you never wanted to see me again.”

“Ugh, yeah that’s cause I didn’t want you to break up with me first.” Alexa said. “You’re impossible. You still won’t tell me why you didn’t come looking for me, or didn’t send me a single text in the last five months, until you needed something. That’s stupid Charlotte because I know you’re not an selfish ass like that, but for some reason…” 

“I’m sorry,” Charlotte said. “It was never because I didn't love you, or I didn't miss you.. of course I did, and I do, I fucked everything up, and now.. I.. don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know either,” Alexa said, as she turned to the other side, and lay awake all night.

*

Alexa felt like shit when they packed their bags and got ready to go to the airport the next day. She and Charlotte had not woke up cuddling – because neither of them had probably slept. Alexa hugged grandmommy real tight, not sure if she would ever see the wonderful old lady again. She thanked Charlotte’s mother and sister for all their hospitality, and kissed each of the nieces on the cheek, and ruffled their hair.

“You’re welcome back here anytime,” Elizabeth told her. “We love having you, you’re such a part of the family.”

Alexa smiled weakly as she loaded her things onto David’s car and they hit the road. Charlotte and Alexa still sat next to each other on the plane, but they did not say a word to each other. When they landed in New York a couple hours later, Alexa grabbed her bag from the overhead compartment and simply nodded at Charlotte. 

“Thanks for having me,” Alexa mumbled.

“Thanks for coming,” Charlotte said. “My family obviously loves you.” 

Well then. Just her family. It was fine. 

“I’ll see you around?” Charlotte asked. 

“Probably not,” Alexa said, turning around. “It’s for the best.”

She cried in the Uber back, she cried the minute she unlocked the door and hit her bed, and she cried into Becky’s arms as the redhaired Irishwoman held her and told her Charlotte was a big mean jerk.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

_Just let me know I’ll be at the door hoping you’d come around, just let me know I’ll be on the floor, maybe we’ll work it out. I gotta get better._ – Harry Styles, _Meet Me In The Hallway_

Three nights. That was all it took. Three nights sleeping next to Charlotte, and once Alexa was back in her bed, alone, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. What was worse was that it had reminded Alexa of the first time she was in this situation – the night of the breakup – alone, restless, and cold, unsure how to bring back to a life where she didn’t know what it felt like to hold and be held by Charlotte, to have someone there for her nightmares, and for her to feel safe and loved when the nights got dark.

  
She hated how everything she owned – her jackets, her shirts, her bags, her body (even after a shower) – suddenly smelled like Charlotte. It was like back to square fucking one. All of the past five and a half months had suddenly been reversed. All Alexa could do was drink a lot of wine, play a lot of sad music, reminisce on Christmas weekend, and of course, cry. 

New Year’s Eve was kind of awful, but not because Alexa was alone. Becky of course, threw her annual New Year’s Eve bash, and much obliged by Becky’s egging and a whole lot of desire to stop thinking about Charlotte, when the ball dropped on the new year, Alexa kissed Becky’s friend Mickie, who was hot and wonderful, and made Alexa come twice within an hour, but made her think the whole time about Charlotte’s wonderfully lean and long fingers. The next morning after she left, Becky asked a lot of questions, very excited by the possibility, but it just made Alexa run off to her room and lie on her bed, staring at the ceiling, missing her ex-girlfriend. Mickie was wonderful, but Alexa felt ruined forever. Somehow, someway, the only thing that ever made sense was the existence of Charlotte’s hoodie, and she didn’t even care to overthink about how she sat in through all her winter break, because who the fuck cared if they were broken up? Alexa wanted to move on, but she could never move on from this incredibly warm garment that – fuck knew she had washed how many times – would not stop smelling like Charlotte’s incredibly warm enveloping hugs that she hated that she missed.

Minutes passed.

Then hours.

Suddenly it was no longer morning, or even afternoon. The sun was down, and she was still in bed, still staring at the ceiling, still wearing Charlotte Flair’s fucking hoodie.

She kept telling herself that she shouldn’t be spending the first day of the year in bed, miserable and rotting under the covers because she hasn’t showered in about three and a half days. It would be a reflection on the rest of the year. She shook her head because since when did she believe in such superstitious crap? She felt like crap herself, so she deserved to be in bed. Becky was working a show, so Sasha wasn’t over. She didn’t feel like leaving her bed, watching tv, let alone having to _leave_ the house to hang out with her friends or acquaintances or whatever from the university. 

Alexa was just about to find whatever leftover food there was in the fridge that Becky and Sasha might have left graciously for her the night before, when her cell phone rang. Alexa figured it might be her absurd parents who called once a year, but when she went over to the counter to check and see, she immediately froze.

_Incoming call from Charlotte Flair._

Alexa stood there staring at the phone, as it vibrated, and glared back at her with the name and number she had deleted off of her phone, only to re-add it when they had to go to North Carolina. She had no idea what Charlotte could possibly want with her, when Alexa had made it very clear that she didn’t want to talk to Charlotte until she had any interest in telling her exactly why she was so ready to cut Alexa off from her life. Alexa knew she would spend the rest of the week – and probably her life – wondering what Charlotte had to say if she didn’t pick up, and so after much debating, seconds before the call would have dropped, Alexa slowly slid the touch screen of her phone and picked up the call.

“H -hello,” Alexa said, slightly scared, and very, very nervous, if the horrible ache in her stomach was anything to go by.

“Alexa?” Charlotte’s voice filled Alexa’s ears, and sent a jolt down Alexa’s body. Why did she think she would never hear Charlotte’s voice again? She was kind of dramatic sometimes. “Hey.” 

“Hey,” Alexa said, feeling more confused than ever. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Charlotte said. “I’m surprised you picked up. I’m glad of course, I’m so, so glad, but I’m surprised, I wasn’t sure you wouldn’t.”

“Me either,” Alexa said.

“Well thank you,” Charlotte said, and Alexa had to sit down on one of the kitchen stools because this was turning out to be a lot already, and they had barely exchanged ten words. “I just. Look I don’t really have a reason. I just. I really just.” 

“Are you drunk?” Alexa asked, suddenly realized Charlotte was slurring in a way she only did when she had had alcohol in her. 

“No!” Charlotte said. “Uh, maybe. Um, I don’t know, Lex. It’s been a long couple of days since I last saw you, I hated how we left things.”

“Okay,” Alexa said. “What was that you were saying before? You just? You just what?”

“I don’t remember,” Charlotte giggled. “Oh no, wait I do. I called, because I just, wanted to hear your voice.”

“Well, you’ve heard it,” Alexa said. “Now what?”

“I don’t know, dude,” Charlotte said, _dude_ stinging Alexa a little more than it should have, considering she knew Charlotte called her dude sometimes even when they were together, so it shouldn’t have been a big deal. “I’m an idiot.”

“Kinda,” Alexa said, not being able to help herself.

“Lex, I hurt you because of my own stupidity,” Charlotte said. “And I’m sorry. I wish I could explain why I behaved the way I did.”

“You’re not stupid,” Alexa offered. "And it's fine. Don't worry about it."

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we came back,” Charlotte said. 

_Same,_ Alexa _wanted_ to say, but she stopped herself.

Charlotte continued.

“Actually that’s a lie,” Charlotte said. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the breakup actually. Since you walked out of my apartment. You’ve had my heart.”

“You wanted to end it,” Alexa said. “You told me you weren’t sure.” 

“Again, _my_ stupidity,” Charlotte slurred. “Look, Lex, it doesn’t even matter, I don’t want to put you through this over again. But, Christmas was nice, wasn’t it? Getting to act like a couple again.” 

“Charlotte, please drink some water and go to bed,” Alexa said, as she swore she could hear Charlotte sobbing a little from the other side. “Don’t cry. It hurts to hear you cry.”

“Lex,” Charlotte sniffled. “You deserve the best. The best in the world. I love you, I love you so much. But I don’t deserve you.”

Alexa tried not to read too much into this declaration of love. Charlotte was drunk and delirious. She was just saying whatever. 

“I’m gonna hang up now, Charlotte,” Alexa said. “Please go to a friend right now, you shouldn’t be drunk and alone.” 

“It’s fine,” Charlotte said. “Lex before you hang up, listen.”

“Yeah?” Alexa asked.

“Promise me that the next person you’re with loves you just as much as I do,” Charlotte said. “Bye.”

Beep. And Charlotte hung up. Alexa stared at the wall for an hour or two after that, completely shaken, stuck to the stool until Becky had to come and tuck her into bed. Of course Alexa couldn’t sleep. She stared at the same spot on the ceiling until she just couldn’t take it, and she slammed her face onto her pillow and cried her eyes out. She cried for herself, for Charlotte, for the pain she was going through, for Charlotte’s absolutely unwarranted declaration of love (who asked her to do that? Alexa did _not_ need this right now, absolutely no), and then of course there was what Charlotte had ended on. 

_“Promise me that the next person you’re with loves you just as much as I do.”_

What the actual fuck? Who said things like that? How was Alexa ever supposed to move on again? It didn’t help that every one of her clothes either smelled like Charlotte from her trip, or had some memory of their relationship tied into it. Charlotte really loved buying Alexa cute sweaters, it should have been annoying at this point, but Alexa just got out of bed, opened her closet, and stared at her clothes instead, ticking boxes of just how much each piece was associated with her ex.

Alexa wasn’t sure how the night passed. She needed the holidays to be over so that she had a reason to be stressed about school, about anything really, that wasn’t five foot nine and with a smile like the sun. The words Charlotte had said before she hung up would not stop playing in Alexa’s ears over and over again. Alexa wasn’t stupid she knew she was very much in love with Charlotte herself. It wasn’t a surprise that Charlotte’s call had sent her spiraling. It wasn’t that. It was the fact that Charlotte had told her she loved her. She _still_ loved her. Multiple times. Despite everything they had been through, all the screaming matches, all of the pretending, all of the hate sex that wasn’t probably hate sex after all, Charlotte loved her.

Alexa tried to go back to sleep but she only had one person and her voice on her mind. She hated being alone with her thoughts. Thankfully, Becky came into her room soon after the sun slowly came up to check if she was okay. 

“Hey babe,” Becky said, placing a hand on her forehead. “You sure you don’t want me to call the doctor? You’re looking paler than Sheamus.”

Alexa didn’t know who that was but she didn’t have the energy to ask.

“I’m okay,” Alexa said, sighing.

  
“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” Becky asked, for the fiftieth time in the previous twenty-four hours. ”What happened? What did she say?”

Alexa sighed. Maybe talking it out would help. Becky was smart, and a good friend. She couldn’t hold it in anymore 

“She said she still loves me,” Alexa said. “Even though she wouldn’t tell me why we broke up, or anything really. She knew that would cause me to get hurt right? Why did she have to say that? How am I supposed to recover from that?” 

“Wait what?” Becky asked. “She said she still loves you? Present tense?” 

“Yeah,” Alexa said. “Multiple times. And she was like, ‘oh I hope the next person you’re with loves you as much as I do.’ Or something like that.”

“Alexa,” Becky said.

“What?” 

“Does she know _you_ still love her?” Becky asked.

“I do not still love her,“ Alexa protested, and Becky shook her head as if to say _lass whom the fuck are you kidding_. “Okay fine, um, no. I never told her I do. What even would the point be?”

“So she loves you, and you love her,” Becky said. “But she doesn’t know you love her.”

“Considering the last time we saw each other,” Alexa said. “I said I never want to hear from her ever again. I would say, no no she does not know I still love her.”

“Would you be open to trying to fix things,” Becky said. “If she was willing? Since you’re both so fucking stupid and just need to sit down and have a conversation?”

“Why do you think she would wanna get back together?” Alexa asked, now confused. “Plus, she won’t tell me why she ended it.” 

“Alexa,” Becky said. “She saw those people were fucked up, and she said some dumb things. You’re the one who walked out didn’t you?” 

“Yeah,” Alexa said. “I guess we’re both at fault.”

“Okay babe,” Becky said. “You know how my birthday is at the end of this month?” 

“Yeah..” Alexa said, confused. “What about it?”

“As a present,” Becky said. “Why don’t you go take a nap at Charlotte’s place?” 

“Are you kidding me?” Alexa asked.

“You both love each other,” Becky said. “And you haven’t slept a wink since you got back. I’m betting she hasn’t been getting perfect REM snore hours either.”

“She’s a drooler, not a snorer,” Alexa said.

  
“And you say that gross fact with practical heart eyes,” Becky said. “Please, babe, just go see Charlotte. Tell her you love her. You can even borrow my car.” 

“If it fails?” Alexa asked. 

“I will personally do all of the dishes for a month,” Becky said, knowing how much Alexa hated doing dishes.

“Ugh, fine,” Alexa said, getting out of bed. “But I’m _not_ changing out of my pajamas.”

“Nothing cuter than Mickie Mouse sweatpants to serenade the woman you love,” Becky grinned, and hugged her tight. “Go get your girl.”

*

This was a bad idea, she thought, as she drove Becky’s car to where Charlotte lived on the Upper West Side. What was she even gonna say? What if Charlotte didn’t want to take her back? Or talk things out? This was all a horrible idea. Charlotte had seemed _fine_ after the breakup. They could just accept that they had broken up and move on. 

But then Alexa remembered Christmas weekend. It had been so easy to fall into old patterns with Charlotte – holding hands, cuddling in bed, exchanging presents. As fun as it was to wallow in her misery, Alexa figured that she would be happier if she and Charlotte were actually together. Becky was right, she hadn’t, in so many words, told Charlotte that she still loved her, that she kind of regretted walking away and pulling the plug on their break up. Enough was enough. She had cried for a week. Now it was time to take some risks. She was a nurse in the making, for god’s sake. If she couldn’t save her own heart, how was she going to save human lives?

Alexa approached Charlotte’s door and tried to get back into the car and drive back three times before she finally decided it was fine, she would be fine, and went ahead and rang the doorbell. She nervously played around with her shoes against the snow on the ground, as she wondered if Charlotte was home. The gym was still closed for the holidays, as far as Google knew. And Google knew a lot. 

It turned out Charlotte _was_ home, because just as Alexa was about to run away again, the door opened.

“Alexa?” Charlotte asked, appearing in an ACDC tank top that Alexa had always loved on her. Much to Alexa’s sadistic pleasure, Charlotte didn’t look too hunky dory. In fact, she looked like she had been crying just as much as Alexa had. “What are you doing here?”

  
“I didn’t sleep all night, and I was wondering if you… er have coffee,” Alexa asked, saying the first words that popped into her mind. “Actually fuck that, I'm so tired I just want to take a nap. Can I use your bed? Or guest bed? I don't really care I just need a bed, I'm sleepy.”

“Uhh,” Charlotte began. “Yeah, okay, but..”

“What is it?” Alexa asked. “Bad timing? You have someone else in there? Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea, I’m gonna go.”

“No, no come in,” Charlotte said, grabbing her hand and pulling the smaller woman in. “Just… don’t look at the dining table.”

So, naturally, Alexa’s eyes turned toward the table. 

And there sat, a tiny jewelry box, opened to reveal.. a ring.

“Are you proposing to someone?” Alexa asked. “So there _is_ someone else here right now?”

“You’re so weird,” Charlotte said. “No, Alexa I’m not proposing to someone. I was sitting there, just looking at this ring that I had bought a few months ago.”

“Are you so bored you look at jewelry for fun now?” Alexa asked.

“No, no Lex, what… what even is wrong with you?” Charlotte asked.

“I’m sleep deprived and hungover,” Alexa said. “At least I’m not sitting on a chair mumbling words of love to a ring.”

“Okay, nobody was doing that,” Charlotte said, reaching for the box and fiddling around with it. “Listen, Lex, you asked me why I was suddenly so taken by shock when the news about the people in The Attachment came out right?”

“Yeah,” Alexa said. “That’s why I left. That’s why I thought it was over. You were being so shady. Are you gonna explain to me?”

“Well, I mean since you’ve walked in on it, sure,” Charlotte said, pointing toward the ring. “You’re looking at it.” 

“You were cheating on me with a ring?” Alexa asked, trying to figure out what the fuck Charlotte was going on about.

“Alexa I was about to propose to you,” Charlotte said, sitting down.

“Oh,” Alexa said. “Wait what?”

“I loved you, I mean, I still do, I never ever stopped,” Charlotte said. “But yeah, I wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives, it was going to be perfect Lex we were made for each other – tall and short, Leo and Aries, you know.. perfect… except then, those people got arrested.”

“Ohkay?” Alexa asked, now sitting down herself – on the floor because she had a thousand thoughts running through her head at that point. 

“You know I believe in the stars and the signs, Lex,” Charlotte said. “I… kind of then overthought the whole proposal thing and started overthinking our whole relationship. It was such a bad call, because a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t missed you. I love you I really do, and I know you probably don’t like me very much, and after all of this, you probably think I’m the biggest idiot in the world, but I guess I just had to get that out of my chest. You asked me what the real reason was, and that’s it. I was gonna propose, and suddenly everything was falling apart. I couldn’t tell you that at the moment! I couldn’t be like, hey here’s this ring, but you can’t have it. That would be dumb.”

Alexa stared at Charlotte in disbelief. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“What the actual fuck?” Alexa asked, her eyelids heavy and tired now. 

“I thought I could get over it, but when you came home with me, I remembered why I fell so madly in love with you in the first place,” Charlotte said. “You have this tough exterior but you’re so soft – the way you are with my grandmother and my nieces, the way your voice sounds when you wake up, just how much I love kissing your lips – Alexa I can’t find all of this anywhere.”

“Please don’t propose to me right now,” Alexa said, and Charlotte laughed and shook her head. “I think we should at least go to couples’ therapy or something - we have a lot to recover from, especially after The Attachment, and the breakup.”

“Of course,” Charlotte nodded. “I am willing to put in so much work into us, it’s worth it, you’re worth it – wait, did you say couples? Are we a couple?”

Alexa scooted over closer to the chair where Charlotte was sitting, and stood up. She was barely taller than Charlotte sitting down. 

“Charlotte I never stopped loving you either,” Alexa said. “I broke up with you because I was scared _you_ were gonna break up with me. I just wanted to get less hurt so I thought if I did it first, it would hurt less.”

“Did it?” Charlotte asked.

“Definitely not,” Alexa said. “In fact, I think you were looking far better than I was. You looked so happy the whole time we were in North Carolina!”

“That’s cause I was with you, silly.” Charlotte said. “You know I’m a crybaby. Why would you tihink I was happy? NO! I missed you so much every day, I think some part of me just played along with the pretend, because I still wanted to be your girlfriend so bad.” 

“Oh, wow,” Alexa said. “I think we just dragged this on way to unnecessarily long. “ 

“What do you mean?” Charlotte asked. “Wait...do you want to get back together?”

“I do,” Alexa said softly, reaching for Charlotte’s hand. Charlotte stood up and kissed Alexa. “I still love you, Charlotte. I have this whole time.”

Charlotte put her arms around Alexa and hugged her tight. Alexa breathed in the familiar comfortable smell of Charlotte, of the woman she loved, of… home. 

“So uh, do I get down on one knee now?” Charlotte joked, as the two of them continued to trade kisses.

“Charlotte don’t even kid with me right now, I haven’t slept one bit since we got back to New York, I don’t know what’s funny and what’s serious,” Alexa said. “Look uh, how about we start with a nap?”

“That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard,” Charlotte said, placing another kiss on Alexa’s temple. “Sorry I can’t stop, I’ve missed doing this for so long.”

Louis ran over, and Alexa jumped on him. His moms were finally back together. Seemed like he knew it.

“Me too you nerd,” Alexa said, as they went to Charlotte’s bed, and piled under blankets, wrapped their bodies around each other. 

As Alexa rested her head on Charlotte’s chest, she realized she was finally able to breathe easy for a long time. With Charlotte’s arms around her she was safe, she was comfortable, she was loved. 

And she was finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> the conclusion is that gays are just really bad at expressing feelings and they think that the person they love doesn't want them. rip. everyone needs to chill and take a long nap. thank you for reading though!!
> 
> tumblr @softcharlotte / kudos and comments always appreciated! i am so grateful!!!


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